#20

Apparently I missed the first train this morning. this sucks. So now i have to wait anywhere from 10-20 minutes for the next one...fucking weekend local why can't you run express? bitches.

So in light of certain things coming soon, i AM getting a little sadder. I'm going to miss them a lot. I do, however, think that, when I removed myself from the bullshit, it took a little bit of all this away from me. Not only am I my own person, but I've found this life that I had waiting that exists outside of the fandom sphere. and as my life continues to grow, that sphere looks smaller and smaller. Sometimes I pick it up and look inside....but it's not my world to enter anymore. They're all still brilliant, capable and extremely talented people, but my admiration of a different species now.

I'll be extremely sad to see them go. But fortunately theyr'e going for a really good reason. A year ago, what I depended on...my answer would have been very different. I might have cried for a week together and, three months after the initial departure, still be talking about it daily. But i've grown up now. Friends and people...no. People leave us all the time for college, for better jobs, for lovers, for exploration and we cannot suffer from detachment or we'll go insane. we cannot wallow. my parents made it through my leaving for college, their parents made it through them getting married, and so it goes. only this is not nearly as intense as i make it out to be. we gotta move on and endure it. :) The saddest part is...that what MAKES me saddest is something that has nothing to do with my endurance, but on the part of people who actually have something to suffer.

People are ridiculous and the train smells like stale cigars and my personal space just got invaded by a wide-hipped brick-red and maroon-clad-woman whose hair is the color of dried creamsickle, or sunshine, or mac n cheese. And I'm squished between her and a mexican boy w/ Downs Syndrome who always sits next to me and always mutters aobut what station we're at.

A woman just got on the train whose entire outfit--pants, shoes, shirt--looks like swiss cheese. Lorraine swiss. i wonder if her name is Lorraine.

Cut it the fuck out.

Had to write that b/c beets n' sunshine here is trying to read everything i write.

The train's making express stops...which means next stop is me...

LATER

Financially, the best thing is for me to stay on here, do S+MB and thereby have a lot mroe money. But then there's happiness and carerr factors which is where this job comes in...I'll be happier and more on my way...

It feels strange not going back to school. Today was move-in for freshmen. 4 yrs ago, Melissa Ford screamed my name thru a bullhorn, I let go of my paernts, met some of the silliest and some of the most brilliant people of my life.

I'm trying to figure out what this advertisement means...there's a bottle of fiji water, and a cloud. near the cloud, the words "less fortunate clouds cover hawaii." and then, near the bottle, "untouched." what does that MEAN? Does it indicate that the clouds over fiji are lucky? I don't get it. What does that have to do w/ "Natural Artesian Water from the Islands of Fiji."

Last night on PBS I watched Jungfrukallan (The Virgin Spring)--a film by Ingmar Bergman--written in Swedish German which, in the film, sounded more like Italian than anything else. The description was riveting so i decided to watch it.
But the film itself was more entertaining than anything else. THe best part was where the pregnant paganistic sister, Ingeri, makes a sandwich by putting a live frog in a pita. Sweden. Where else?

There is a man sitting across from me w/ serious man boobage. Yuck.

PS there's another ad that has a picture of martinis. But it's selling calling cards. and now i just want a martini. Actually, they've got DJ cards, martini cards, Coctail cards, Diamond Cards, Figres Norte cards, Vodka cards, and Criticall cards. I'm trying to figure out, though, why the tag line: "con estos productos [word?] ahorrar dinero, tenemos la mejores tarifas para llamar a qualquier parte del mundo" is in spanish when the cards are not just for all spanish-speaking countries, but for India, Pakistan, Phillipines, Romania, Yemen, Jamaica, Nigeria and the Ukraine.

I would like the world to know that Mr. Man-boobs is also wearing a fanny pack. JUST to top it all off.

Oh, THIS is a new one. Someone selling "incense, body odors, chew sticks..." WHAT? Def a new one. wtf is a "body odor" that you can sell, anyway?

And I've decided that this Portuguese/Brazillian 2-yr old behind me is going to be a singer. and a looker, too. but also a singer.