#28

Dear America,
It's been so long since I've lived in suburbia full time that you'll have to tell me: are large hair bows, slow walkers and thin coats al the rage in suburbia, too, or is that just the tourist mentality in NYC? or should I say herd mentality? Face it, tourists are slow anywhere you go (prime example - the molases that is disney). By slow I refer to the infinite wisdom of Jack Kerouac who asks whether the luxury of cars and simply crossing a parking lot to get anywhere has decreased the average speed of your average pedestrian. Why yes, it has. I can appreciate wishing to see the sights and enjoy the time with your family, but if you want to go slow opt for a bus instead of the subway, don't clutter NYC sidewalks. Which brings me to my next tourist complaint--herding into food shops. Every Starbucks is the same, there's no need to stop in at every one. and yes, you have them at home too! Fortunately these tourists seem to opt ONLY for the food shops with higher fat and sugar content. 90% don't know what a Jamba Juice is and the 10% who do would rather cuddle up to a dirty water dog or coffee on their trip which leaves me free to be alone with my Jamba Juice and watch all you sillies through the window. Just me and the locals hanging by our windows or hiding in our Whole Foods* Jamba Juice.

Note: if you ever DO stop in on your trip, might I recommend my friend Molly's fave MEGA MANGO and my personal fave FIT & FRUITFUL: Lemonade, green tea, lime sherbert, mangos, strawberries, ice...all blended with a Weight Loss booster. It's the next best thing to sucking on citrus...which...is probably something that only I as a Florida girl would enjoy.

Add'l side note: NYC's straight males also tend to avoid Jamba so it's not the place to pick up guys...unless you're also a guy.





* Whole Foods: another healthy chain protected by the Tourists are Required to Eat Poorly on Their Vacation Act.