#29

I swear, sometimes I think I’m the only person who knows anything about walking etiquette. I mean….really…it’s just like driving. Especially if, while walking, you’re carrying a very large object that takes up a whole shitload of room. Today, I’m walking down the stairs at 40th Street entrance to the Subway. As I reached the bottom of the steps, I was of course, readying to make a right around the corner. Now, just as when making a right turn while driving, I have the right of way IN MY LANE. Those coming FROM the right, making a left, should yield to their right hand side. Someone coming from that direction should not be turning left INTO my lane as I try to make a turn. Hello? Could we maybe get some…I don’t know…median or something. But there he was—this jackass carrying a huge box—making a left turn into my north bound lane. Actually it’s a west bound lane in this case but forget it. But anyway he makes this turn directly into me. Slams smack into me with his fucking box. Now, I’m the injured party here but I’m not about to get into a fight at the foot of a rush hour staircase since that would be a whole nother breach of walking etiquette. Instead I choose to quietly roll my eyes and keep on walking to the beat of “Fall into Place” by Apartment. Good song. I go around the guy. No apology for slamming into my stomach, no apology for being an idiot, no apology for carrying a huge fucking box around a corner like a moron. No excuse me’s. no. Instead he chooses to put off going on his merry way, stand at the foot of the steps, blocking the staircase, and SHOUTING at me as I walk off: “You stupid fucking cunt, why don’t you watch where you’re going, bitch!” Thanks, man. I’ll remember that when your insurance is paying my bills once you’ve totaled my car. Jerk. I just kept walking. Turned up my iPod. Moved on. Now, if we’d been somewhere else perhaps he could have shot me in the back or something. But no. And you know what? I’m glad for that. Seriously, though. Where has all the etiquette gone? All the courtesy? This is New York. We’re all professional walkers. Experts in our field. We know when to dodge, behave, sidestep, synchronize, etc. Why is there an increase in stopping at the bottom of stairs? Turning corners wrong? Take up whole fucking staircases. I would blame tourists, but I’m totally talking about the locals.