#35

They amuse me, the high-and-mighties who come to this city, who criticize our dirty streets, remark on the smog, and then make comments about New Yorkers...they amuse me especially, though, when they do al of the above and THEN cannot figure out how to get on the shuttle instead of the 3 train. How do you do that? How do you end up at 72nd street and still not realize you're on the wrong train for Grand Central? Idiots. On another note, I'm kind of in love with my new neighborhood in Harlem. It's only a little noisy, the streets are much more populated and, therefore, more interesting. It's funny, though, because I'm like, the token white girl of our block...and probably the token white girl of Adam Clayton Powell Jr. Blvd....it's interesting being somewhat on the other side of things. This area is kinda pretty, too. There's an actual community feel to it. Not that I'm wanting to be part of a bigger community because, honestly, I suck at that kind of thing. But it's a nice feeling all the same. The one thing, though, that drives me nuts about this area is that you get so few yellow cabs coming up here and so you've got all these gypsy cabs trying to pick me up at the freaking bus stop. Aggravation.

dancing

i don't know how long i can go on dancing around this...i'm sure i would...no. i can't put an end date on it. just as you can't place a value on what makes you happiest. i can't limit this happiness with a deadline. i could go on dancing for ages.

We finally have keys!

eeeeeeeeeee!

drifting

I'm so happy Ali's coming in tomorrow...for the first time in what seems like ages. I miss being much closer to friends. It's kind of upsetting that the end of college has caused us to drift so far. like a wave that swells and pulls the school apart as it crashes. It feels like potential energy in a vacuum. Like a million tiny matches, oblivious in space. I miss science. I do. I miss finding interest in it. So much of it is stored in my head and I have no paper to put it on, no outlet to download my thoughts to....except here...which doesn't count. And now back to awkward, less lucid, Lauren

missing

I've gotten to feeling like there's something missing in my life. Something that would, somehow, make it complete. or, if not complete, then at least a little more solid. That something, though, has eluded me for so long that it's really just a feeling now. Or not even a feeling....a whisper of a feeling. does that make sense?

Recently I've begun to hear it...feel it....hear the whisper of the feeling...come into clearer focus (I'm totally destroying my ability to maintain a metaphor, but bear with me), but then it vanishes and i forget that it was there. As if a piece of me...it almost feels like phantom limb pain, I guess...like I feel it...but I can't see it. I know it's there with me...but it doesn't stay.

I don't really know where i'm going with this. Maybe it's just that I can now see the huge number on the first page of the next chapter of my life, bold, beautiful, through the transparent quality of the previous page. I guess.

Things I'm not looking forward to, part deux (which is more hip to say, than "part two" or..."the second"...or .. ... "II")

Laundry. The drop-off/pick up factor. I've gotten way spoiled with my in-house washer/dryer.
Building my new bed once I get it.
Finding a place to put my 6-foot ladder.
Tiny bathtub. what.
The smell of West African food and/or shaving cream right outside my window.
Cleaning the roof outside our windows. Gross.
Forcing the super into giving us our second outside key, and mailbox key. seriously. wtf.
Shopping at Associated again. They're expensive.
Living a few blocks from an IHOP. Dangerous. Les IHOPs Dangereuses, if you will.
Not living close enough to a Duane Reade. Boo.
Having 2 Popeye's within a 7-block radius. Add that to the West African and shaving cream smells...ugh.

Tokyo Disney

Tokyo Disney struggles against rival parks and age

I think a very interesting point that they make is that "By 2055, 40 percent of Japan's population will be aged over 65." But...as interesting as that is, 2055 is a good....47 years away...I might be dead by then....so....I'm not sure why they're bringing it up NOW. I could understand bringing it up, say, 25 years from now when the time is closer. But if you attract older people now, in 47 years it's not going to really matter. Maybe I'm being silly and naïve here, but something tells me that their struggle to bring in a higher male population is probably a little more important right now.

I was kind of surprised when they mentioned Disney in Hong Kong...mostly because I'd forgotten it existed. I think I was even more surprised, though, when they said they were looking to set up shop in Shanghai. Now...for NBC/Universal, that would make more sense. But Disney? Really? Aren't we getting a LITTLE ahead of ourselves? I thought that Robert Iger was beginning to reel the company in--make smart and effective choices for the company--leading it in the right direction, not too fast. He's been viewed in stark comparison to Michael Eisner (read: O how I loathe him) who had begun to allow the company to expand too quickly in the wrong directions. Eisner...*shudder*... But really, Robert Iger, Shanghai too? Why? I don't really know why it would be necessary! Yes of COURSE it would undermine the existence of a park in Hong Kong! They're only about 760 miles apart...and there's one right there in Tokyo...that's like setting up another Disney World in Baltimore (about 800 miles from Orlando) when there's already one in Anaheim. I mean, really?

It's all very strange that THESE are things they worry about when you've got rides in Orlando that kill people.

Apartment

I'm very achy now, and everything pretty much smells like Clorox. Ben and I spent 2.5 hours tonight cleaning the new apartment pre-move-in. We scrubbed the kitchen down and made the oven livable (does that make sense? no.). Scrubbed down the bathroom which was considerably easier than the kitchen. We washed what windows we could, and swiffered and pledged the floors. SO ACHY.
Anyway, here are a few pictures of the apartment before we cleaned...the after won't be much different until it's decorated so...make do with these, I guess.

Satyagraha

I really want to see this...

Satyagraha c/o the New York Times




edit: I just bought myself a ticket for the 28th!! wooo!!

Addendum to #33

In the words of the great AMERICA:
"This is for all the lonely people
Thinking that life has passed them by
Dont give up until you drink from the silver cup
And ride that highway in the sky

This is for all the single people
Thinking that love has left them dry
Dont give up until you drink from the silver cup
You never know until you try"

Ben and I had a bible-thumper on the downtown 2/5 tonight... simultaneously, there was a homeless resident of said 2/5 train who asked us for money...and we had none since we'd dined at a pristine McDonalds just before. We said we were sorry and he moved on to the last girl in the car, sitting with a book. He asked her and, without looking at him, she shook her head...he tore into her like a bat out of that hypocritical bible thumper's bible. don't you have any remorse...and all that...it was quite viscious and has nothing much to do with anything beyond SJ#33. Makes me wish I'd had this anecdote before I wrote it...but better late than never, right?

#34

Lauren doesn't do scary movies. She's learned her lesson. Unless someone is going to hold her hand through it and then walk her home and walk her upstairs and check closets and showers for serial killers, scary movies aren't happening.

We now return to your regular programming--where I don't talk about myself in third person...

I was saying this the other day--if the commercial, on its own, can cause me to cower in fear then the movie on tis own is certainly going to be too much. ee. It goes back to when I saw Scream (the first one) at a friend's house when I was 12...yeah...12....god...it was dark and the porch at this house was just like the patio in the film where the guy gets his stomach ripped open and the guts spill out and shit...yeah....it was slightly traumatizing. and everyone tells me that it's not exactly the best scary movie or whatever. doesn't matter. it scares me. for whatever reason. yuck. when ali and i went to see the remake of amityville horror we were scared to shit. I don't think that's a phrase that anyone but me uses...but i do. so. yeah. ugh. this all spurs from my noting that Prom Night is now in theatres. I just don't see that as a productive use of my time...(says the girl who watches reality tv instead of being social...or...stuff). I'm sure i'd be good and scared, but I'd be scared for days. I'ts a weird kind of residual fear.

Which kind of leads me off onto another tangent about fear...in general. A while ago I ran with a pretty negative crowd who, all the same, advocated for speaking one's mind and oh well what if tomorrow you're dead or in a coma and never get to say it and yadda yadda yadda. I get the point, but that point doesn't accommodate the fact that my other fears are stronger--fear of being forgotten, or left behind...fear of rejection, of general disappointment...I'm more afraid of these things on a daily basis, essentially, then I am of dying. Regardless of the ditch into which it sounds like I'm digging myself, it WAS a bad crowd and I've recovered tenfold. I'm seriously ten times a better person compared to then...but my fears remain, which is probably why I stay in and watch reality tv. And why I use so many ellipses...like that. I'm sometimes even afraid to finish a sentence for fear it is not what I meant to write...

things i am not looking forward to

Laundry. The drop-off/pick up factor. I've gotten way spoiled with my in-house washer/dryer.
Cleaning my windows. They're really dirty. Gross.
Building my new bed once I get it.
Finding a place to put my 6-foot ladder.
Not having the option to sleep on my hammock.
Scrubbing the new bathroom. It's kinda yucky.
Scrubbing the kitchen...which is also pretty nasty at the moment.
Laundry. I totally said that. But I totally mean it twice.
Figuring out my door lock. Which is pretty scary. I need like...a guard dog. or a guard. or a laser beam of death.
Making my bedroom door close/lock. It's kind of doing something stupid right now. I hate it. boo.
Tiny bathtub. what.
Laundry. that's right. I said it again. Sue me.

#33

I've never ever worked on commission so maybe someone else could shed some light on this for me: what is it that makes someone desperate enough to scream? I mean, I almost understand the somewhat swanky plight of RTC telesales reps because RK has been good enough to explain this to me...but seriously.....what about the guy who just yelled FUCK YOU at me just because I wouldn't take the flier he thrust in my face on the street (I seem to get yelled at a lot, yeah?) there is such a severe difference, I find, between him and the guy who stands on 7th and 39th rain or shine in a trench coat handing out fashion fliers. He doesn't say anything--or--at least, he's never said anything to me.

At a glance, it reads as if, simply, the trenchcoat guy is either resigned to or satisfied with his position in life, whereas the guy who tried to shove music on me for my "husband or kids"...note: don't have any...seems more desperate and more determined to not do what he's doing. When it comes down to it, I guess you could compare it to the homeless residents and entertainment of our subway systems. You've got the desperate men and women and, sadly enough, children who are desperate for attention (understandably...i mean...they're hungry!) and curse you when they think you must have a sandwich in your pocket (my sister's dog behaves the same way...just saying...).

But yesterday I rode the 1-train with two men who did some amazing West African drumming in the middle of our car and were more than satisfied with all I could give them--a smile. The same goes for those crazy mariachis and teh woman on the A-train platform at Times Square...and that gentleman I've seen time and time again over the past 5 years walking the cars almost-blindly with newspaper articles (about the government) strapped to him with a crazy speaker blaring and leading his poor dog...any of the above people are just as much in need of making a buck, but twice as nice as the man who accosted me....and HE has a JOB. Desperation is quite frightening if, in fact, that's the root of all this.

Again, it's hard for me to actually have an opinion on this since my work experience non-commissioned.

oh well. sigh. aloha ahi ahi a hui hou a hiki i aloha kakahiaka.

#32

I often wonder at how dirty our subway stations get daily--at all the dust, the dirt, the grime, at how I can't walk down the staircase without a layer of grime appearing on my hand...and it takes me back--reminds me of how many people Universal Studios employed simply to keep the place clean. Now, it wasn't perfect, and on occasion you still had gum stacking up on garbage cans--but surely NYC can employ an army of civil servants to clean the platform, the stations. Keep the dust and grime to a minimum...from building up, I mean. What do we have now? We have city and MTA employees who clean the trashcans, who moan the booths, people who fix the tracks and put the posters up. That's really it. It's like the city has given up on this portion of its image. Maybe it's funds. Perhaps it's that we've desired to keep the streets clean, instead...a lot of good that's doing. Look, there are how many? 24? subway lines...? Let's pretend they each have 15 stops...which is incorrect...but we're pretending. Now, hire a crew of 5 to 10 people who, 3-4 times a week clean a particular station. Let's say 6 people. That's 24x15x6=2160.... a minimum of 2000 new jobs. Get the damn homeless of the street for chrissakes. Why isn't this implemented? What's wrong with the budget that we can't do SOMETHING like this? maybe it's just that people don't WANT these jobs. Side note: I'm currently standing next to a can of cheezwhiz. Great. Point? yes.